activation!

so i just sent a ton of email letters to different companies and people regarding animal rights and treatment. in regards to the circus (posted below), Nissan's new Eco friendly car being leather free, Husky sledding dogs being bred and left neglected...there are so many things you can advocate against!

i sent a letter to both of the newspapers in this area, and here is what it said:

To whom it may concern:

It is to my general knowledge that the circus comes almost regularly, if not annually to the Hampton Coliseum. Each year, these events are advertised in newspapers all over the country, as well as online and on television. These circuses are horrible examples of torture to poor defenseless animals, all for some form of cruel entertainment. I am sure you get many of these letters each year, but please, understand that if your paper refused to advocate for the Ringling Bros. and Barnum &Bailey this year, you would be helping those animals who cannot help themselves. There are so many people who read your newspapers religiously, and if you just refrained from giving the circus any free publicity, you would be helping many scared and hurt animals. I ask you to think of your childhood pets, your current pets, your favorite animals. Would you willingly submit them to torture for the entertainment of others? Many people who purchase tickets for these shows are uneducated about the horrors that go on behind the scenes.Elephants are beautiful and intelligent creatures, who have amazing memories and loving nature. No animal deserves to be confined in an unnatural and insensitive manner, and no animal deserves the torture that they are subjected to. These animals are punished for doing nothing wrong, and are manipulated into painful positions that they would never find themselves in naturally just for the benefit of the circus performers, and under the fear of more painful torment. I know that you would never wish for these sensitive and beautiful animals to undergo this pain if you had a choice. But you do have a choice! If you refrain from promoting the circus this year in your newspaper, you have already helped these animals dearly. By educating yourself and others against the mistreatment of animals, you can help protect those who are incapable and who cannot help themselves. I greatly thank you for your time and understanding.

Sincerely,
Meghann Steele

and please understand that there is power in numbers! send your own letter, your own email to these newspapers and establishments! just visit Peta or Peta2 the next time you are on the computer, and you can help better the lives of our beautiful animals. become a fan on facebook, send an email, sign up to get some free stickers, anything you do can help those who are helpless!

when riding in the car with m.steele...

so Victoria rode home from school with me on Wednesday, aka worst day ever... since they dangled the candy of getting out early in front of our adolescent faces and ripped it away with a maniacal laugh punishing our happiness with the awful torment of learning. anywho. so she rode home with me, and i was playing some AFI melodies, but she could not understand the poetic genius without a copy of the lyrics. so here they are in order from first to last of what i played on the way to her house.

"Celluloid Dream"

Oh,
calling tears from deep inside,
oh you're so exquisite, and in the mirror all midnight eyes
oh, if i could remain, but its just a visit.
all midnight eyes read "vacancy"

twisted, twisted

to the lovely dancing lights, i begged "may i cut in?"
but they never stopped playing their song
of a joyous song they sing, i've heard whispers
on a freezing note, i resonate....

just like romantic verses, just like a joyous end,
just like a memory it twists me

just like romantic verses just like a joyous end,
twists...twisting me

you land as lightly as the new snow, cinematic
onto the melting boy, and melt away.
you land as gently you're so cinematic,
bathed in your radiance i melt...

oh

in the glitter in the dark, sunk into velvet
praying this will never end
in the shadow of a star
in static pallor, i realized i never began

just like romantic verses just like a joyous end,
twists... twisting me

you land as lightly as the new snow, cinematic
onto the melting boy, and melt away.
you land as gently you're so cinematic,
bathed in your radiance i melt...

all the colors upon leaving, all will turn to gray
all the colors upon leaving all will turn to gray
all the colors upon leaving all will turn to gray

gray...

twisting me

you land as lightly as the new snow, cinematic
you land as lightly as the new snow, and melt away
you land as gently you're so, cinematic
bathed in your radiance i melt...


"On the Arrow"

he said "who truly belongs here?"
"not i," she said, "i'll lie here with you"
he knows no one shines forever
they change with the weather

he said, "i've now stayed to long here..."
"goodbye, " she said, "i'll wait here for you."
he knows the winds carry sorrow
as they leave she'll follow
they leave tomorrow...

fragments of joy torn apart,
a freshly drained heart that beats
disguise themselves through him
he'll say that its nothing new
and swear this is true
for you, i'll swallow the ocean

i'll swallow the ocean

he said, "who truly belongs here?"
"not i, " she stared, "i'll lie here to you."
i know this sorrow is sacred
and i'll never break you
i'll softly save you...

fragments of joy torn apart
a freshly drained heart,
that beats
disguise themselves through him
he'll say that its nothing new
and swear this is true
for you, i'll swallow the ocean

i'll swallow the ocean...


"This Time Imperfect"

i cannot leave here i cannot stay
forever haunted more than afraid
asphyxiate on words i would say
drawn to a blackened sky as i turn blue...

there are no flowers, no, not this time
there'll be no angels gracing the lines
just these stark words, i find.

i'd show a smile,
but i'm too weak
i'd share with you could i only speak
just how much this hurts me.

i cannot stay here, i cannot leave
just like all i loved, i'm make-believe
imagined heart, i disappear seems
no one will appear here and make me real...

there are no flowers, no, not this time
there'll be no angels gracing the lines
just these stark words, i find

i'd show a smile, but im too weak
i'd share with you could i only speak
just how much this hurts me

i'd tell you how it hurts me
i'd tell you how it hurts me
(cuts through my day, and seeps into my dreams)
i'd tell you that it haunts me
(cuts through my day, and seeps into my dreams)
you don't care that it haunts me....

oh

there are no flowers, no, not this time
there'll be no angels gracing the lines
just these stark words, i find

i'd show a smile but i'm too weak
i'd share with you could i only speak
just how much this hurts me...
just how much this hurts me...

oh
just how much you...


"37mm"

bring your secrets to me
just give me your hands,
and i'll let you feel the wounds
they put in me...

if you believe in me,
how can i be dissolving?
if you'd believe me,
i'd tell you everything

do you fall too? (every time that i...)
yes, i fall. (every time that i...)
do you want to... (try to pacify)
fall into me? (fall into me)(fall into me)
into me.

silence, can you hear me?
press me to your lips
and i'll suck the poison out.
who will heal me? me...

if you keep killing me
how can i be absolving?
your sins into me,
begin the poisoning...

do you fall too? (every time that i...)
yes, i fall. (every time that i...)
do you want to, (try to pacify)
fall into me? (fall into me)(fall into me)
into me

time, time, time
we're not waiting
time, time, time
we're no one.

very distant: (unknown, unknown)

do you fall too? (every time that i...)
yes, i fall. (every time that i...)
do you want to, (try to pacify)
fall into me?

(fall into me)(fall into me)

do you fall too? (every time that i...)
yes, i fall. (every time that i...)
do you want to, (try to pacify)
fall into me? (fall into me)(fall into me)
into me

we are no one.
we are no one.
we are one.
we are no one.
we are,
we are no one.
we are no one.
we are one.
we are no one.
we are,
we are no one.
we are no one.
we are one.
we are no one.
we are,
we are no one.
we are no one.
we are one.
we are.


"Love Like Winter"

warn your warmth to turn away
here its december, everyday
press you lips to the sculptures and surely you'll stay
for of sugar and ice
i am made
i am made

its in the blood, its in the blood
i met my love before i was born
he wanted love, i taste of blood
he bit my lip and drank my war
from years before
from years before


she exhales vanilla lace
i barely dreamt her, yesterday
read the lines in the mirror through the lipstick trace (por siempre)
she said it seems you're somewhere faraway, to his face.

its in the blood, its in the blood
i met my love before i was born
she wanted love, i taste of blood
she bit my lip, and drank my war
from years before, from years before

love like winter, oh... oh...
love like winter,
winter, three four....

its in the blood, its in the blood
i met my love before i was born,
he wanted love, i taste of blood,
he bit my lip, and drank my war,
from years before, from years before


"Endlessly, She Said"


walked into our world and made,
horrible sounds.
i can still hear them today, (strangely they seem)
beautiful now, though they outlast my love.

still, each time i always meant,
every word, every one...
though in time they finally bent
every word, every one, every word

"i will wait for you," she said, endlessly
"i will wait for you."
so spoke misery...

i returned to you but found
our empty home
the radio told me to stay, (as it burned down)
i sang alone.
you will outlast my love.

still each time i always meant
every word, every one
though in time they finally bent
every word, every one, every word

"i will wait for you," she said, endlessly
"i will wait for you."
so spoke misery

oh

i have been waiting for you,
biting as you taught me to
i have come to relieve you
of life and love

i will wait for you
i will wait for you
i will wait for you

i will wait
i will wait

"i will wait for you," she said, endlessly
"i will wait for you."
so spoke misery.

"i will wait for you, wait for you."
endlessly

"i will wait for you..." so spoke, so spoke...

misery.

i will wait straight through.
as i wait for you, dear,
...endlessly.


Victoria, now you have no excuse. learn the words so you can sing along.

pwahahaha!

so apparently on the new phone commercial starring foxyfox, aka megan fox, they used a hand model when showing the phone. for those not in the know, aside from the occasional acne, megan fox has only one tragic flaw. her toe thumb. she has one freakishly large thumb on her right hand, and on the commercial that aired during the Superbowl, featuring her in a bathtub...she was missing her eye catching thumb that EVERYONE knows about. go google it. everyone and their mother has. you wont even have to type Megan Fox's thumb in all the way before it pops up on its own. go look for yourself. or....you can look right here, because i already did all of the work for you. haha. only in america. priceless.

ahaha!

to bad the cannibal looks like me in a way, but in my sophomore year, my favorite thing to say to people when they would remark on animal free diets was:

"well, you see i love animals. and i hate people. mostly i hate people who hate animals. i consider anyone who eats them someone who hates them. do you want to be subjected to torture? well they dont. i love animals, so i dont want to eat them. i hate people though, so i wouldnt mind eating them. give them a taste of their own medicine, if you will."

anywhosen. needless to say, i didnt make many new friends that year. but i did gain some with that speech. and by the way, i love Nordstrom.

polar express 2010

sidenote: the Grammy's are almost all black this year. again. surprised? NO.


so i went sledding/tubing today. ahaha, it was certainly an adventure to remember. my Lord. we are going out again tomorrow, so, i am excited to burn my legs off again climbing those mountains. but i digress. Missy and i went down together, and went so fast we swivelled backwards and could not control the innertube, not that we could see anyway, we went airborne, flew over the ditch into a revene! when we landed i had one leg in, one out, Missy was half on me half in the snow, my hair was tangled in a nearby tree's limbs, our sunglasses were crooked, and we couldn't quit laughing. this is all on film by the way.

if that wasn't hilarious enough....my grandfather went down, but on the way he hit a divot in the snow which caused him to loose control of his sled which was gaining speed. at the same time there was a small child, a little girl, happily slowing towards the bottom of the hill. that is until my grandfather decided to run her over! and i don't mean, just ran her over, no. his sled went on top of hers, and left her rolling behind him as his still kept going down the hill! at this point, i was like, "that poor child! that poor child!" and then this woman that i am standing next to turns to me and is like, "that's my child."

anyway, it was an excellent day. i love the snow. i still feel bad for that kid though.

Living Dead BOY. part one.

The sky was growing dark with the onslaught of a winter storm. I heard the wind outside, but was too busy with my work to surrender to the desire of gazing out of the window. I instead gave my eyes the unelected opportunity to shift over my surroundings. The room was nauseatingly white, every surface was antiseptic in appearance, every surface seemed impersonal and unnatural, and everywhere was the colorless sanitarium, every bit florescent and synthetic. I hated that I felt more like a patient in this place than the person that helped them. Every particle in me wished for something to break the mundane, penetrate this routine that I had seamlessly incorporated into my life. I felt like I just existed, floating by, vaporous, touching everything but leaving no lasting indention of my presence. I never felt as lonely as I did in this room, isolated and trying to find a cure.

It is in this secluded white room that I sit on a stool in my white lab coat, and all encompassed with Petri dishes that watch and record the observations I encounter trying to find a cure for disease. All I do is watch these Z-cells being devoured by the medicine that I inject into them, trying to absolve them of their pestilence. Zombies are for now under quarantine, and until people like me can find a cure there is no hope for them. To be a Zombie currently is considered a disease, but is it really? And how am I really to help these unfortunates if I have never even come in contact with one? I wondered these things aloud as I hung my lab coat on the hook outside the space and locked the door. I was walking to my car, but I didn’t feel right. The wind was still mercilessly, incessantly blowing. I felt as if I was being watched. I felt out of place.

I took a warm shower when I got home. It felt so nice to allow the water to trail on my skin and wash away all of the proof that I was alive today. Sometimes, I wish I could just disappear. I constantly feel like there is no one that understands me. It is ironic that I feel something like a Zombie myself….

I still felt strange when I went to bed that night. I couldn’t tell you if it was legitimate, or if I was just being paranoid. I work alone, and live alone, and hardly speak to anyone. I never wanted to be a recluse, and by definition I’m not, but sometimes I think my imagination talks too much. I closed my eyes on the world and fell asleep soon after. But hours later, I awoke in a cold sweat and that strange feeling was even stronger. I believed to have heard a noise coming from inside my apartment. But quickly talked myself out of it, and tried to go back to sleep. Until I awoke once more, I had hoped that it was just the wind again, or I had just dreamed it. But I hadn’t, because this time I was awake, and still I heard the noise. Someone was in my apartment.

Frozen in fear as I was, I lay as still as possible hoping whatever it was wasn’t there to harm me. But I soon heard footsteps coming down the short hallway to my room. And soon my doorknob was turning slowly, as I watched terrified and paralyzed in my bed. The door opened, and I fainted.

The first thing I remember about waking up was that my room was filled with the light from my bathroom. And the shower was on, the water running hot with the steam filtering through to my bedroom. It took all the courage I could muster to go and look at who it was. Maybe my sister had come to visit? I got up slowly from my place to see who broke into my rooms, as quiet as was humanly possible. I crept to the door, expecting to find my sister’s body, but was instantly frightened to discover that what was in my shower was not related to me in the least. He was tall, and well shaped, a healthy size. His back was turned to me, but I could see through the steam that he had dark hair and sallow skin. Why was he here, in my apartment?

When the water stopped, I practically dove back into my bed, and closed my eyes, pretending to be asleep. I listened as he opened the door, and softly spoke aloud to himself, “...where does she keep the towels?” which was soon followed by “oh, there they are.” His voice was nice, like one of a radio personality or a musician. I wasn’t surprised. Most killers seem nice at first.
I kept my right eye a slit open so that it still seemed closed in the darkness. I watched him walk cautiously into my room, and look at me carefully before gingerly seating himself at the foot of my bed. He was covered only around his waist by my burgundy towel, his pallid skin still glistening wet. He was breathing slowly, painfully it seemed. I wanted to reach out to him. I thought he was crying.

I knew that if he had wanted to harm me, he would have by now. So I made a noise like I was sighing, and when I saw him turn around, I fully opened my eyes, slowly as if from a deep sleep. The first thing I noticed when he turned around was that his eyes were a deep blue, and he had dark circles under them, like he wasn’t well. His skin was pale and he had bruises on some parts of his body. His cheeks were flushed, and his hair was a dark brown, like polished sepia. He was beautiful, but looked sick.

“Who are you?” I asked. “My name is Kieran," he said," I’m sorry I followed you here, but I need your help. I’m sick and I fear you are the only one that can be of any help to me. I have not yet been discovered, but I will take any help you can offer. I am infected with the Zombie sickness, and in a matter of days, I will become one. Please, you are my only hope. Without your help, I fear I will most surely die.”

the night before

We stood together at the edge.
I looked down,
and was astonished that my eyes beheld nothing.
Where will we go from here?
A quiet rain fell soft and slow.
It fell upon your face, and stained your clothes.
We kissed as the blood from our mouths ran dark into the leaves at our feet.
Are you there still, waiting as you promised me?
Hold me close, and tell me that this isn’t real; this was never real, as I was never real.
Please, just, close your eyes, and I will avert mine,
and we can have this one last time.
When the cancerous sky swallows itself and the world exhales with the fire inside me…
will you burn alongside, one last time?
Will you follow me into the nocturnal wasteland, adorned with the broken dreams
and the terrified screams of the child that cried?
Will you believe in me, now, with all of the smoke gone and false smiles dissolved?
There are no mirrors here, my dear.
Only our broken figures line the barren expansion…the desolation that longs for something,
outturning us as we searched, we the ones that can feel nothing.
Can you hear me?
I feel transparent so suddenly,
as I am sure my voice is gone, stolen by the freezing wind.
Whispers of transgression left me feeling despised,
but I walked on with you towards our inexorable demise.
You held my hand in the cold, as it desiccated with pain.
I moved ghostlike through the shadows, I was vanishing in the rain.
But you left me there with nothing, well, what else could you have gave?
I was lost without direction, and had no soul left to save.
What else could I do when you spoke your last words to me;
I thought I heard a promise from your broken effigy.
Smiles are rarely found here in this frozen land beyond the sea,
but the dead show little effort as they waste away with me.

there, some of my own poetry. a gift for you.