Friday, July 30, 2010
Friday, July 23, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
well
it has been a few days since i reflected on myself, so i believe now is as good a time as any.
i cannot put into words how frustrating the weather has been. i love rain storms, i wait all summer for them...and right when the promise of one comes, it just disappoints me. we have yet to have a fantastic storm. and so maybe when i am in Florida, on (crossing fingers) a day when i am not going to the parks, say on the Orlando Mall day or so, i hope i get to see the sky light up with electrostatics.
that's another thing! i am so beyond excited for vacation. to get out of this town and see some new faces. watch some fireworks from the white sand beach and eat some of the sweetest fruit you have ever tasted. i love going on vacation, i just hate saying goodbye to my cat. is that not the saddest thing you have ever heard, or what? you do not have to call me pathetic, i already know.
i have been spending some much needed time with my friends lately. i am pretty content in the knowledge that they are God's gift.
i guess that is all for now, i want to save some of this precious material for a day when i cannot think of anything else to say. hopefully i can go to IKEA soon, i really crave some sparkling pear juice.
Tschau Wiedersehen.
i cannot put into words how frustrating the weather has been. i love rain storms, i wait all summer for them...and right when the promise of one comes, it just disappoints me. we have yet to have a fantastic storm. and so maybe when i am in Florida, on (crossing fingers) a day when i am not going to the parks, say on the Orlando Mall day or so, i hope i get to see the sky light up with electrostatics.
that's another thing! i am so beyond excited for vacation. to get out of this town and see some new faces. watch some fireworks from the white sand beach and eat some of the sweetest fruit you have ever tasted. i love going on vacation, i just hate saying goodbye to my cat. is that not the saddest thing you have ever heard, or what? you do not have to call me pathetic, i already know.
i have been spending some much needed time with my friends lately. i am pretty content in the knowledge that they are God's gift.
i guess that is all for now, i want to save some of this precious material for a day when i cannot think of anything else to say. hopefully i can go to IKEA soon, i really crave some sparkling pear juice.
Tschau Wiedersehen.
Monday, July 12, 2010
titanic evening
so whenever i watch titanic i try to find some type of distraction once the water starts pouring in. it cuts the emotion for the most part, but really it doesn't. that's right, i am lying to you. i start crying as soon as people start hitting the water. there is no preventing it. but it gets me to thinking...why was i so obsessed with this movie when i was a child? was i sick or what? i was so interested in anything that had to do even the slightest with Titanic. the actual ship and otherwise. i think it explains a lot about my personality now. it helped to develop my strange sense for the sadness in history. my favorite things are the depressing things. i don't know why, but it makes the better, brighter days seem so much more special...remembering the sadness.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
tell tale heart
So this is this 100 Truths thing.
WHAT WAS YOUR:
1. Last beverage: sierra mist
2. Last phone call: coglio
3. Last text message: since when?
4. Last song you listened to: cello music by adam hurst....THE SECRET
5. Last time you cried: today....par usuale
HAVE YOU EVER:
6. Dated someone twice: yes.
7. Been cheated on: i wouldnt call it cheating so much as a trial before...fire
8. Kissed someone & regretted it: i have no regrets
9. Lost someone special: who has not?
10. Been depressed: whenever it is not raining
11. Been drunk and threw up: that has never happened to me. and never will mind.
LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. Indigo
13. Royal Purple
14. the color of green that comes out in the forest after the rain
THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2010)
15. Made a new friend: i always do.
16. Fallen out of love: gotten over love....is more appropriate
17. Laughed until you cried: many times, and each one is better than the last
18. Met someone who changed you: when i think on the people that have come and gone...yes i believe so.
19. Found out who your true friends were: i am blessed to have them.
20. Found out someone was talking about you: only when they miss me.
21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list: what list? yes. most likely.
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: again, with the list...i hope i know them all if they make a "list"
23. How many kids do you want? right now? ha, 2...the nuclear family. because i am from the 50s.
24. Do you have any pets: my kitty cat....oh how i love her.
25. Do you want to change your name: to what? i hide behind no pen name
26. What did you do for your last birthday: read a book on Botticelli's art.
27. What time did you wake up: 11:00
28. What were you doing at midnight last night: watching frasier with meghan
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: tattoos. a degree in English. oh and my Florida vacation.
30. Last time you saw your Mother: before today. meaning yesterday.
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: i live without regret remember? everything happens in due course.
32. What are you listening to right now: cogsworth and the fan
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom? i dont really know, actually. haha, myspace tom?
34. Who is getting on your nerves now: its summertime, no one should be getting on my nerves, besides immediate family.
35. Most visited webpage: google, facebook, peta2...it all ties.
36. Whats your real name: Meghann Renea Steele
37. Nicknames: Pocahontas, Meggie, meg, best fraaaaand, prime rib, KAREN
38. Relationship Status: what do you think? everything as was before.
39. Zodiac sign: virgo
40. Male or female?: femme
41. Primary School?: sandford, mcintosh, bc charles
42. Secondary School?: gildersleeve
43. High school/college?: menchkill
44. Hair colour: i am raven haired
45. Long or short: Pocahontas status
46. Height: 5'2
47. Do you have a crush on someone? are not those to remain secrets? does that answer the question?
48: What do you like about yourself? my hair? my eyes? my sarcasm...my rarity. compassion. the ability to love.
49. Piercings: my ears....
50: Tattoos: no never, i hate them. favorite trait? maybe. ASAP
51. Righty or lefty: Right
FIRSTS :
52. First surgery: i have never gone under the knife.
53. First piercing: ears
54. First best friend online: are you supposed to have those?
55. First sport you joined: people watching, constructive criticism
56. First vacation: do family reunions to West Virginia count? i was shorter than the doorknob
58. First pair of trainers: i got my first pair of moccasins when i was a year old. thats my people's version of a sneaker.
RIGHT NOW:
59. Eating: Nothing.
60. Drinking: my sorrows
61. I'm about to: sleep
62. Listening to: i have already been over this
63. Waiting for: the cold fingers of sleep to caress me to dreams of winter.
YOUR FUTURE :
64. Want kids?: now?!
65. Get married?: if i met the right....
66. Career: english professor, writer, moonlighting as a tattoo artist
OPPOSITE SEX :
67. Lips or eyes: eyes, because they tell me if you are honest.
68. Hugs or kisses: depends on who you are.....haha.
69. Shorter or taller: i like to look up at the sky, but not get an aching neck if you know what i mean.
70. Older or Younger: older, but then again, it depends on how old i am.
71. Romantic or spontaneous: why not romantically spontaneous?
72. Nice stomach or nice arms: how about tattooed arms?
73. Sensitive or loud: i prefer a gentle whispering, sensitivity
74. Hook-up or relationship: hook up sounds like i am an RV or something. there is no ship like a relationship.
HAVE YOU EVER :
76. Kissed a stranger: almost
77. Drank hard liquor: unfortunately
78. Lost glasses/contact: i have never had the misfortune
79. Sex on first date: i am a lady.
80. Broken someone's heart: maybe not, i have had my fair share of heartbreak
82. Been arrested: not likely
83. Turned someone down: yes
84. Cried when someone died: i thought that was protocol to the grieving process?
85. Fallen for a friend: all of my relationships have been with former friends
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. Yourself: i believe not many people understand me
88. Love at first sight: i believe in LUST at first sight, the other, should be called fate.
89. Heaven: if i couldnt believe in heaven, life would be impossible for me to appreciate.
90. Santa Claus: i believe in Saint Nikolaus
91. Kiss on the first date: why not?
92. Angels: i would not find beauty with soft breezes in still air if i could not believe in angels. whom else would protect the animals and the earth? whom else would watch over the children that have no one to love them?
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: absolutely not
95. Did you sing today?: i sing every day.
96. Ever cheated on somebody?: it is against my moral compass
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?: i try not to imagine my life as it could have been, but as it can be.
98. The moment you would choose to relive?: i want to remember things the way they are, now, without alteration.
99. Are you afraid of falling in love?: i believe love to bring beauty to the most simple of things, you must keep love in your heart to receive love from others. i would never be afraid of love, only of love lost.
100. Are you afraid of posting this as 100 truths?: that would defeat the whole purpose would it not?
WHAT WAS YOUR:
1. Last beverage: sierra mist
2. Last phone call: coglio
3. Last text message: since when?
4. Last song you listened to: cello music by adam hurst....THE SECRET
5. Last time you cried: today....par usuale
HAVE YOU EVER:
6. Dated someone twice: yes.
7. Been cheated on: i wouldnt call it cheating so much as a trial before...fire
8. Kissed someone & regretted it: i have no regrets
9. Lost someone special: who has not?
10. Been depressed: whenever it is not raining
11. Been drunk and threw up: that has never happened to me. and never will mind.
LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. Indigo
13. Royal Purple
14. the color of green that comes out in the forest after the rain
THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2010)
15. Made a new friend: i always do.
16. Fallen out of love: gotten over love....is more appropriate
17. Laughed until you cried: many times, and each one is better than the last
18. Met someone who changed you: when i think on the people that have come and gone...yes i believe so.
19. Found out who your true friends were: i am blessed to have them.
20. Found out someone was talking about you: only when they miss me.
21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list: what list? yes. most likely.
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: again, with the list...i hope i know them all if they make a "list"
23. How many kids do you want? right now? ha, 2...the nuclear family. because i am from the 50s.
24. Do you have any pets: my kitty cat....oh how i love her.
25. Do you want to change your name: to what? i hide behind no pen name
26. What did you do for your last birthday: read a book on Botticelli's art.
27. What time did you wake up: 11:00
28. What were you doing at midnight last night: watching frasier with meghan
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: tattoos. a degree in English. oh and my Florida vacation.
30. Last time you saw your Mother: before today. meaning yesterday.
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: i live without regret remember? everything happens in due course.
32. What are you listening to right now: cogsworth and the fan
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom? i dont really know, actually. haha, myspace tom?
34. Who is getting on your nerves now: its summertime, no one should be getting on my nerves, besides immediate family.
35. Most visited webpage: google, facebook, peta2...it all ties.
36. Whats your real name: Meghann Renea Steele
37. Nicknames: Pocahontas, Meggie, meg, best fraaaaand, prime rib, KAREN
38. Relationship Status: what do you think? everything as was before.
39. Zodiac sign: virgo
40. Male or female?: femme
41. Primary School?: sandford, mcintosh, bc charles
42. Secondary School?: gildersleeve
43. High school/college?: menchkill
44. Hair colour: i am raven haired
45. Long or short: Pocahontas status
46. Height: 5'2
47. Do you have a crush on someone? are not those to remain secrets? does that answer the question?
48: What do you like about yourself? my hair? my eyes? my sarcasm...my rarity. compassion. the ability to love.
49. Piercings: my ears....
50: Tattoos: no never, i hate them. favorite trait? maybe. ASAP
51. Righty or lefty: Right
FIRSTS :
52. First surgery: i have never gone under the knife.
53. First piercing: ears
54. First best friend online: are you supposed to have those?
55. First sport you joined: people watching, constructive criticism
56. First vacation: do family reunions to West Virginia count? i was shorter than the doorknob
58. First pair of trainers: i got my first pair of moccasins when i was a year old. thats my people's version of a sneaker.
RIGHT NOW:
59. Eating: Nothing.
60. Drinking: my sorrows
61. I'm about to: sleep
62. Listening to: i have already been over this
63. Waiting for: the cold fingers of sleep to caress me to dreams of winter.
YOUR FUTURE :
64. Want kids?: now?!
65. Get married?: if i met the right....
66. Career: english professor, writer, moonlighting as a tattoo artist
OPPOSITE SEX :
67. Lips or eyes: eyes, because they tell me if you are honest.
68. Hugs or kisses: depends on who you are.....haha.
69. Shorter or taller: i like to look up at the sky, but not get an aching neck if you know what i mean.
70. Older or Younger: older, but then again, it depends on how old i am.
71. Romantic or spontaneous: why not romantically spontaneous?
72. Nice stomach or nice arms: how about tattooed arms?
73. Sensitive or loud: i prefer a gentle whispering, sensitivity
74. Hook-up or relationship: hook up sounds like i am an RV or something. there is no ship like a relationship.
HAVE YOU EVER :
76. Kissed a stranger: almost
77. Drank hard liquor: unfortunately
78. Lost glasses/contact: i have never had the misfortune
79. Sex on first date: i am a lady.
80. Broken someone's heart: maybe not, i have had my fair share of heartbreak
82. Been arrested: not likely
83. Turned someone down: yes
84. Cried when someone died: i thought that was protocol to the grieving process?
85. Fallen for a friend: all of my relationships have been with former friends
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. Yourself: i believe not many people understand me
88. Love at first sight: i believe in LUST at first sight, the other, should be called fate.
89. Heaven: if i couldnt believe in heaven, life would be impossible for me to appreciate.
90. Santa Claus: i believe in Saint Nikolaus
91. Kiss on the first date: why not?
92. Angels: i would not find beauty with soft breezes in still air if i could not believe in angels. whom else would protect the animals and the earth? whom else would watch over the children that have no one to love them?
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: absolutely not
95. Did you sing today?: i sing every day.
96. Ever cheated on somebody?: it is against my moral compass
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?: i try not to imagine my life as it could have been, but as it can be.
98. The moment you would choose to relive?: i want to remember things the way they are, now, without alteration.
99. Are you afraid of falling in love?: i believe love to bring beauty to the most simple of things, you must keep love in your heart to receive love from others. i would never be afraid of love, only of love lost.
100. Are you afraid of posting this as 100 truths?: that would defeat the whole purpose would it not?
Saturday, July 3, 2010
red sam
every fourth of July i wonder how many more years i will be in this country.
i think the numbers are severely dwindling. anyway. i haven't tried the west coast yet. or Florida. maybe i will move to Orlando, and work at Disney world. i love it there...so much.
which reminds me. i will be there in just a few weeks, which means the excitement is building. i really hope this time surpasses the last on the fun scale. honestly, it would be horrible if this trip ended up being a disappointment too. i would probably kill someone. but i am not going to let that trip go down in history as worse ever like last year.
"never again is what you swore the time before."
anyway, so for now. until i find an urge to speak again,
fireworks, purple mountains, waving gang flags, rodeos, McDonald's, obesity, crayon factories, mickey mouse, NASCAR, hard rock....i guess what i am trying to say is...
Happy Birthday America.
i think the numbers are severely dwindling. anyway. i haven't tried the west coast yet. or Florida. maybe i will move to Orlando, and work at Disney world. i love it there...so much.
which reminds me. i will be there in just a few weeks, which means the excitement is building. i really hope this time surpasses the last on the fun scale. honestly, it would be horrible if this trip ended up being a disappointment too. i would probably kill someone. but i am not going to let that trip go down in history as worse ever like last year.
"never again is what you swore the time before."
anyway, so for now. until i find an urge to speak again,
fireworks, purple mountains, waving gang flags, rodeos, McDonald's, obesity, crayon factories, mickey mouse, NASCAR, hard rock....i guess what i am trying to say is...
Happy Birthday America.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
summertime and the living is easy.
i have thankfully resorted back to my primary schedule of staying awake until 2:30 in the morning and sleeping until 11:00. i believe it is the best way to enjoy life.
at any rate, I Love Lucy and peanut butter toast make an excellent wake up call, and it may not seem extraordinary to some, but it is beautiful to me. no stress, no commitment, i am living up the last moments of "summer vacation" i have left. before scary college villains whisk me away.
it is ridiculously hot outside. i find it vital to note that for the past three days, it has been hotter here than in Los Angeles. and i would much rather suffer the heat in a place that deserves it where you would expect it to feel like you are walking on the SUN, than in a place where it should never be this hot. what happened to insulation from the beach? what happened to coastal breezes and cooling nights? gone are the days my friends when you could go out and not melt your face off. and if you are going outside, it is a veritable Olympic dash from the front door to the car door in my opinion, that is, if you want to keep your skin before it bursts into flames. even in shorts and a tank i am ripping at my skull from the microwave feel outside... i think its my hair. it attracts so much sunlight, that it practically burns your fingerprints off when you touch it. if ever you kill someone, just come touch my scalp. it will probably scorch you to safety.
anyway, please know i do not condone criminal behavior, nor will i assist in any Risky Business, even if you are Tom Cruise. haha.
anyway, in other news, i was just looking at my nails. i decided to paint them a color other than clear....and now i am happy to report that they are kelly green. i bought the varnish because it was named SAN FRANCISCO, but i like to think it was a hint at emerald city. i guess if someone were to ask me what my favorite color is right now, i would say emerald.
so dear reader, until i change the color of my nail polish, have a fabulously Green Day. pwhaha. (yes, i went there)
at any rate, I Love Lucy and peanut butter toast make an excellent wake up call, and it may not seem extraordinary to some, but it is beautiful to me. no stress, no commitment, i am living up the last moments of "summer vacation" i have left. before scary college villains whisk me away.
it is ridiculously hot outside. i find it vital to note that for the past three days, it has been hotter here than in Los Angeles. and i would much rather suffer the heat in a place that deserves it where you would expect it to feel like you are walking on the SUN, than in a place where it should never be this hot. what happened to insulation from the beach? what happened to coastal breezes and cooling nights? gone are the days my friends when you could go out and not melt your face off. and if you are going outside, it is a veritable Olympic dash from the front door to the car door in my opinion, that is, if you want to keep your skin before it bursts into flames. even in shorts and a tank i am ripping at my skull from the microwave feel outside... i think its my hair. it attracts so much sunlight, that it practically burns your fingerprints off when you touch it. if ever you kill someone, just come touch my scalp. it will probably scorch you to safety.
anyway, please know i do not condone criminal behavior, nor will i assist in any Risky Business, even if you are Tom Cruise. haha.
anyway, in other news, i was just looking at my nails. i decided to paint them a color other than clear....and now i am happy to report that they are kelly green. i bought the varnish because it was named SAN FRANCISCO, but i like to think it was a hint at emerald city. i guess if someone were to ask me what my favorite color is right now, i would say emerald.
so dear reader, until i change the color of my nail polish, have a fabulously Green Day. pwhaha. (yes, i went there)
Friday, June 11, 2010
all the colors upon leaving
all will turn to grey, and melt away.
i have been feeling a bit sentimental lately. i think i have already told you this; and for once i think my blog background matches its title.
so i have got that going on. last day of high school was yesterday, and oddly enough i dont think it will feel like its over until tomorrow.
raise your glass to a new way of life. i know i am.
i have been feeling a bit sentimental lately. i think i have already told you this; and for once i think my blog background matches its title.
so i have got that going on. last day of high school was yesterday, and oddly enough i dont think it will feel like its over until tomorrow.
raise your glass to a new way of life. i know i am.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
truth becomes her.
i told you the truth even though i knew the sadness that could be dealt from our hands. our hands that felt the softness, the earth and the element of feeling. be that as it was my first dream, the light that glinted off of the glass you had about your eyes. if you hold them up to the world can you see its people clearer?what does it all mean, my darling, when we are gone? this illusion that i based my world around was not real until i found you in the grey. i cannot help wondering if the curiosity i view you with is constituted as...what? i dare not say what i believe you to be, for what i cannot know you must not refuse. be the lamp unto my feet, and perhaps i shall hold the candle to your pages. do not flicker, for the unwavering flame is resolute in its purpose. the warmth of gentle sun colors your cheek and warms too my heart. gentle breaths and the falling eyes so tender in their recognition, realize the beauty in our name. before the dusk of your dreaming and the before these few flowers wither all to dust there is something you must know. the violet umber in the cold moments before we were no more than just...
i told you the truth, and you smiled with one so honest i could barely look at your eyes, unclouded and quivering. so fragile, one word that i knew you would never force upon me. it is something quite peculiar to me to try and comprehend the beauty that i find with you. it is something quite fortunate that you appreciate the way my eyes welled when you told me. am i the only one? i was a lonely one.
i told you the truth, and you smiled with one so honest i could barely look at your eyes, unclouded and quivering. so fragile, one word that i knew you would never force upon me. it is something quite peculiar to me to try and comprehend the beauty that i find with you. it is something quite fortunate that you appreciate the way my eyes welled when you told me. am i the only one? i was a lonely one.
Monday, June 7, 2010
will you cry for me?
"or will you cry with me?"
i decided i would just post pictures of men i find attractive. why not? in no particular order, naturlisch.
Davey Havok, duh.
Johnny Depp...
Stuart Townsend...
Jude Law...
Jared Leto...
Ian Somerhalder....
Dan Smith...
Paul Wesley...
Brandon Lee...
And James McAvoy.thats all i have for now...but there is probably more.
"to the outside, the dead leaves, they all blow"
listening to Funeral by Band of Horses still makes me just as emotional as it did when i heard it for the first time.
just putting that out there, being as i was listening to it as i was writing this.
anyway, so i was in the mood for a little sentiment today and so i pulled out my old poetry books. i have really been in a poetic feel lately. it has been all i am reading lately. and when i was reading Byron, which reminded me of reading Shelley...who was best friends with John Keats. so to satiate my need...and yours, i posted my favorite of his poems. if it brings a tear to your eyes, then it has served its purpose.
"Ode to a Nightingale"
My heart aches, and a drowsy numbness pains
My sense, as though of hemlock I had drunk,
Or emptied some dull opiate to the drains
One minute past, and Lethe-wards had sunk:
'Tis not through envy of thy happy lot,
But being too happy in thine happiness, -
That thou, light-winged Dryad of the trees,
In some melodious plot
Of beechen green and shadows numberless,
Singest of summer in full-throated ease.
O, for a draught of vintage! that hath been
Cool'd a long age in the deep-delved earth,
Tasting of Flora and the country green,
Dance, and Provençal song, and sunburnt mirth!
O for a beaker full of the warm South,
Full of the true, the blushful Hippocrene,
With beaded bubbles winking at the brim,
And purple-stained mouth;
That I might drink, and leave the world unseen,
And with thee fade away into the forest dim:
Fade far away, dissolve, and quite forget
What thou among the leaves hast never known,
The weariness, the fever, and the fret
Here, where men sit and hear each other groan;
Where palsy shakes a few, sad, last gray hairs,
Where youth grows pale, and spectre-thin, and dies;
Where but to think is to be full of sorrow
And leaden-eyed despairs,
Where Beauty cannot keep her lustrous eyes,
Or new Love pine at them beyond to-morrow.
Away! away! for I will fly to thee,
Not charioted by Bacchus and his pards,
But on the viewless wings of Poesy,
Though the dull brain perplexes and retards:
Already with thee! tender is the night,
And haply the Queen-Moon is on her throne,
Cluster'd around by all her starry Fays;
But here there is no light,
Save what from heaven is with the breezes blown
Through verdurous glooms and winding mossy ways.
I cannot see what flowers are at my feet,
Nor what soft incense hangs upon the boughs,
But, in embalmed darkness, guess each sweet
Wherewith the seasonable month endows
The grass, the thicket, and the fruit-tree wild;
White hawthorn, and the pastoral eglantine;
Fast fading violets cover'd up in leaves;
And mid-May's eldest child,
The coming musk-rose, full of dewy wine,
The murmurous haunt of flies on summer eves.
Darkling I listen; and, for many a time
I have been half in love with easeful Death,
Call'd him soft names in many a mused rhyme,
To take into the air my quiet breath;
Now more than ever seems it rich to die,
To cease upon the midnight with no pain,
While thou art pouring forth thy soul abroad
In such an ecstasy!
Still wouldst thou sing, and I have ears in vain -
To thy high requiem become a sod.
Thou wast not born for death, immortal Bird!
No hungry generations tread thee down;
The voice I hear this passing night was heard
In ancient days by emperor and clown:
Perhaps the self-same song that found a path
Through the sad heart of Ruth, when, sick for home,
She stood in tears amid the alien corn;
The same that oft-times hath
Charm'd magic casements, opening on the foam
Of perilous seas, in faery lands forlorn.
Forlorn! the very word is like a bell
To toll me back from thee to my sole self!
Adieu! the fancy cannot cheat so well
As she is fam'd to do, deceiving elf.
Adieu! adieu! thy plaintive anthem fades
Past the near meadows, over the still stream,
Up the hill-side; and now 'tis buried deep
In the next valley-glades:
Was it a vision, or a waking dream?
Fled is that music: - Do I wake or sleep?
-John Keats.
just putting that out there, being as i was listening to it as i was writing this.
anyway, so i was in the mood for a little sentiment today and so i pulled out my old poetry books. i have really been in a poetic feel lately. it has been all i am reading lately. and when i was reading Byron, which reminded me of reading Shelley...who was best friends with John Keats. so to satiate my need...and yours, i posted my favorite of his poems. if it brings a tear to your eyes, then it has served its purpose.
"Ode to a Nightingale"
My heart aches, and a drowsy numbness pains
My sense, as though of hemlock I had drunk,
Or emptied some dull opiate to the drains
One minute past, and Lethe-wards had sunk:
'Tis not through envy of thy happy lot,
But being too happy in thine happiness, -
That thou, light-winged Dryad of the trees,
In some melodious plot
Of beechen green and shadows numberless,
Singest of summer in full-throated ease.
O, for a draught of vintage! that hath been
Cool'd a long age in the deep-delved earth,
Tasting of Flora and the country green,
Dance, and Provençal song, and sunburnt mirth!
O for a beaker full of the warm South,
Full of the true, the blushful Hippocrene,
With beaded bubbles winking at the brim,
And purple-stained mouth;
That I might drink, and leave the world unseen,
And with thee fade away into the forest dim:
Fade far away, dissolve, and quite forget
What thou among the leaves hast never known,
The weariness, the fever, and the fret
Here, where men sit and hear each other groan;
Where palsy shakes a few, sad, last gray hairs,
Where youth grows pale, and spectre-thin, and dies;
Where but to think is to be full of sorrow
And leaden-eyed despairs,
Where Beauty cannot keep her lustrous eyes,
Or new Love pine at them beyond to-morrow.
Away! away! for I will fly to thee,
Not charioted by Bacchus and his pards,
But on the viewless wings of Poesy,
Though the dull brain perplexes and retards:
Already with thee! tender is the night,
And haply the Queen-Moon is on her throne,
Cluster'd around by all her starry Fays;
But here there is no light,
Save what from heaven is with the breezes blown
Through verdurous glooms and winding mossy ways.
I cannot see what flowers are at my feet,
Nor what soft incense hangs upon the boughs,
But, in embalmed darkness, guess each sweet
Wherewith the seasonable month endows
The grass, the thicket, and the fruit-tree wild;
White hawthorn, and the pastoral eglantine;
Fast fading violets cover'd up in leaves;
And mid-May's eldest child,
The coming musk-rose, full of dewy wine,
The murmurous haunt of flies on summer eves.
Darkling I listen; and, for many a time
I have been half in love with easeful Death,
Call'd him soft names in many a mused rhyme,
To take into the air my quiet breath;
Now more than ever seems it rich to die,
To cease upon the midnight with no pain,
While thou art pouring forth thy soul abroad
In such an ecstasy!
Still wouldst thou sing, and I have ears in vain -
To thy high requiem become a sod.
Thou wast not born for death, immortal Bird!
No hungry generations tread thee down;
The voice I hear this passing night was heard
In ancient days by emperor and clown:
Perhaps the self-same song that found a path
Through the sad heart of Ruth, when, sick for home,
She stood in tears amid the alien corn;
The same that oft-times hath
Charm'd magic casements, opening on the foam
Of perilous seas, in faery lands forlorn.
Forlorn! the very word is like a bell
To toll me back from thee to my sole self!
Adieu! the fancy cannot cheat so well
As she is fam'd to do, deceiving elf.
Adieu! adieu! thy plaintive anthem fades
Past the near meadows, over the still stream,
Up the hill-side; and now 'tis buried deep
In the next valley-glades:
Was it a vision, or a waking dream?
Fled is that music: - Do I wake or sleep?
-John Keats.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
you'll remember me when the west wind moves.
okay, so i have no idea why Sting came to mind...but oh well. i guess this blog will begin "among the fields of Barley..."even though wheat has nothing to do with what i am supposed to be doing as of right now.
i have a lot of physics to do, and i just got all of the problems down so this is just my way of procrastinating. anyway. i keep getting distracted.
i am so ready to graduate. when i first typed that in, it came out "i am so rad" but i guess that is accurate, too. i had a large McDonald's fry for dinner and a vegan boca burger without lettuce and i feel like such a failure. i don't feel like anything i ate today was green, although the eyeshadow i wore today was 4 gradient shades of green. i am rambling because the longer this is, the longer it takes until i have to crack the physics book. i am no engineer. and i know it.
so, i find it a huge encumbrance that i will have to go the whole day for exams. i hope thy don't mind when they see the pillow i bring along so that i can pass out.
Disney Disney Disney. i am so excited for Disney. and then, when i come back from Disney, i will be getting tattoos. and i will never be ashamed to bare my arms again. hahaha!
i hope i get an A in psychology. stupid 91!!!!!
anyway, this is becoming really obnoxious. i hate it when i am typing something and my sister decides to read every word as it appears on the screen, even though she knows i hate it when people watch me type. she annoys me most of the time.
Blake hasn't called me yet, and i am getting worried that we are going to fail this whole project thing. and i cannot let that happen!!!!!!!!!!
okay, i guess i can be done with this now, but know that i am going reluctantly!
until next time,
"adieu, adieu, to you and you and you. "
i have a lot of physics to do, and i just got all of the problems down so this is just my way of procrastinating. anyway. i keep getting distracted.
i am so ready to graduate. when i first typed that in, it came out "i am so rad" but i guess that is accurate, too. i had a large McDonald's fry for dinner and a vegan boca burger without lettuce and i feel like such a failure. i don't feel like anything i ate today was green, although the eyeshadow i wore today was 4 gradient shades of green. i am rambling because the longer this is, the longer it takes until i have to crack the physics book. i am no engineer. and i know it.
so, i find it a huge encumbrance that i will have to go the whole day for exams. i hope thy don't mind when they see the pillow i bring along so that i can pass out.
Disney Disney Disney. i am so excited for Disney. and then, when i come back from Disney, i will be getting tattoos. and i will never be ashamed to bare my arms again. hahaha!
i hope i get an A in psychology. stupid 91!!!!!
anyway, this is becoming really obnoxious. i hate it when i am typing something and my sister decides to read every word as it appears on the screen, even though she knows i hate it when people watch me type. she annoys me most of the time.
Blake hasn't called me yet, and i am getting worried that we are going to fail this whole project thing. and i cannot let that happen!!!!!!!!!!
okay, i guess i can be done with this now, but know that i am going reluctantly!
until next time,
"adieu, adieu, to you and you and you. "
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
feeling pangs of...
GUILT.
just opened an email from mr. kershasky, about how he is in a lot of pain...
and i still havent told him that i am not submitting my artwork. its not something i want to tell him on facebook.
so, i just dont know what would be best. but i hope it all works out without him being disappointed in me later.
alas, poor Meg. she died from lack of conviction.
just opened an email from mr. kershasky, about how he is in a lot of pain...
and i still havent told him that i am not submitting my artwork. its not something i want to tell him on facebook.
so, i just dont know what would be best. but i hope it all works out without him being disappointed in me later.
alas, poor Meg. she died from lack of conviction.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
knock knock
i just made my aunt Missy a facebook, after asking her so many times to make one. i took over her laptop, and Banjo the Hound keeps licking my toes. i ran out of knock knock jokes for the insatiable three year old, the baby just woke up.
hahah, the life i love. this had to be quick because now he insists i can fly, and i have to teach him how.
i love how i am tall in his eyes.
hahah, the life i love. this had to be quick because now he insists i can fly, and i have to teach him how.
i love how i am tall in his eyes.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Hallowed Hollowed Hearts.
it is time to shake off the parasites. i feel a change in the wind, and it is mangling my hair. but i think i like the attention, and yeah, maybe it is somewhat undesired. but that is what life is all about.
i realize you probably don't even know what i am saying to you at this point, but that's okay. i like a little mystery so lets go with it. i have been feeling different lately. its not a bad feeling, no, and when i was dusting off my books the other day i remembered what i was going through this time last year. and i will admit that a slight sigh escaped my lips, and maybe i will submit to the fact that it held a twinge of guilt, but not enough to burn your violets to a cinder, okay? i was adjusting my mirrors, and i finally scraped some of the sentiment off of my walls. and i feel...renewed. and i will admit that it was a small step for mankind, but i thought it was a big leap for me. i have been feeling a lot like a shot in the dark for a while. but now i am beginning to understand that i am worth the while, i am worth remembering. and that is something worth raising a glass to.
what exactly is in that glass you wonder? it better be ginger ale, because it has almost been a year since i...well, since i decided that wasn't me anymore.
i cleaned my bedroom out. i am tired of shoving the dirt under the bed, and burying the bodies in the closet. the blood was staining the carpet. the walls were getting bent with the hidden weights. it might have been just a spring cleaning, but it felt much more symbolic than that. i woke up from that year long dust bowl that was raging in my soul underground.
.....i think i finally let go of the last piece of her that was holding me back.
i think i finally found....what was left of me, what was waiting for so long. no more excuses.
i realize you probably don't even know what i am saying to you at this point, but that's okay. i like a little mystery so lets go with it. i have been feeling different lately. its not a bad feeling, no, and when i was dusting off my books the other day i remembered what i was going through this time last year. and i will admit that a slight sigh escaped my lips, and maybe i will submit to the fact that it held a twinge of guilt, but not enough to burn your violets to a cinder, okay? i was adjusting my mirrors, and i finally scraped some of the sentiment off of my walls. and i feel...renewed. and i will admit that it was a small step for mankind, but i thought it was a big leap for me. i have been feeling a lot like a shot in the dark for a while. but now i am beginning to understand that i am worth the while, i am worth remembering. and that is something worth raising a glass to.
what exactly is in that glass you wonder? it better be ginger ale, because it has almost been a year since i...well, since i decided that wasn't me anymore.
i cleaned my bedroom out. i am tired of shoving the dirt under the bed, and burying the bodies in the closet. the blood was staining the carpet. the walls were getting bent with the hidden weights. it might have been just a spring cleaning, but it felt much more symbolic than that. i woke up from that year long dust bowl that was raging in my soul underground.
.....i think i finally let go of the last piece of her that was holding me back.
i think i finally found....what was left of me, what was waiting for so long. no more excuses.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
slanty town.
i have know idea what i want to say here. i just decided that i would start writing and see what happened. my mother was supposed to take me to thomas nelson today, but she didnt. she promised. but her back hurts. i dont know. i was just disappointed because i wanted to get it out of the way. my report card would have been perfect this time if it wasnt for the big fat eyesore of an "F" i got in physics. i hate physics. i never got to start my painting today in art class because i needed a picture of a rat, and i need some caramel corn, but alas. i never acquired these things. i need to get these things by thursday.
blaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
well, i guess i didnt have that much to say today. i am drawing a blank. i am under so much stress. i need to get so much artwork done and i have so little time to do it in. anyway. here's to hope!
blaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
well, i guess i didnt have that much to say today. i am drawing a blank. i am under so much stress. i need to get so much artwork done and i have so little time to do it in. anyway. here's to hope!
Friday, April 16, 2010
copy cat.
both victoria and coggs typed in random facts about themselves. usually, i work like a salmon and swim against the stream, but i love them. and i love their ideas. and i want to be part of the group. so i am going to list my self facts too!!!!! this is going to be a long list, so get comfortable.
- i went to one brownies meeting when i was a kid, and never went back because i hated it.
- i loved watching old shows when i was a kid. like the Golden Girls, and I Love Lucy.
- i have this curse of always wanting what i cant have.
- the guys i am attracted to are usually in a relationship.
- i can act like a complete snob, but its only because i hate settling for things i don't like.
- its really hard for me to tell people how i really feel.
- i haven't had time to read a lot of the books on my shelf, and it really bothers me.
- i love accents, and wish i had one. well, i do, in other countries.
- i feel like a terrible person sometimes for no reason.
- sometimes i will lay awake at night and wonder what my life would be like if i had made different choices.
- i hate talking on the phone for the first time to people. i know i sound like a child.
- i dislike borrowing books, because when i read a book i usually end up buying it.
- i hate it when people fold pages in books.
- mom borrowed my favorite book once, folded a page in it, i cried, and had to buy a new copy.
- i hate it when people post pictures of themselves kissing.
- when i am in a bad mood, i hate seeing happy people.
- i compare myself to others.
- i have the worst self esteem issues.
- i never leave the house without makeup on, and i only wear my hair up when i am working.
- i feel guilty when i am disappointed with my friends' choices.
- i feel like my mother didn't like me between the ages of 10-14
- i want so badly to live in CALIFORNIA, especially the Bay Area, Berkley.
- i am scared i don't have the talent to be a tattoo artist.
- i am terrified i will loose my talent. i forever have nightmares that my hands will be smashed or i will go blind.
- i consistently wonder if i was thinner, men would like me more.
- i hate that i can be just as shallow as the people i dislike for the same fault.
- i love Indian food, and hate American food.
- i hate cleaning, but cannot live without cleaning.
- i love cooking for people. even if i wont eat what i prepared.
- i get more joy out of giving gifts than receiving them.
- it makes my day when people tell me that they missed me, or that they thought about me.
- i am terrified of getting splints shoved under my nails
- when i am up extremely high, my legs get shaky. but i crave the feeling that fear brings.
- i always wished that i was raised Catholic, because i love the aesthetic.
- i am more proud to be vegan than i was to be vegetarian. i tell everyone.
- i hate it when i see ugly people in a relationship, when i am not.
- i hate it when people tell me that i am beautiful, and will find someone special soon, because i view false hope the same as lieing to my face.
- i consistently wonder if i scare people away by being myself.
- i apply fortunes from the cookies at Chinese places to my life.
- i love Disney world, i love Disney cartoons, i love Disney cartoon movies, but i hate most of the new Disney channel things.
- i love children.
- i love clothes that i cant wear.
- i never leave the house in stretchy pants unless i am going to the gym, because i feel like they highlight my flaws.
- i wish people didn't stereotype me so much.
- i am a hopeless romantic. i have always wanted to be kissed in the rain, walk hand in hand on the beach at sunset, proposed to holding a bouquet of wildflowers...
- i have a fear that i will never find anyone that will truly love me.
- did i say that i was really insecure?
- i went to one brownies meeting when i was a kid, and never went back because i hated it.
- i loved watching old shows when i was a kid. like the Golden Girls, and I Love Lucy.
- i have this curse of always wanting what i cant have.
- the guys i am attracted to are usually in a relationship.
- i can act like a complete snob, but its only because i hate settling for things i don't like.
- its really hard for me to tell people how i really feel.
- i haven't had time to read a lot of the books on my shelf, and it really bothers me.
- i love accents, and wish i had one. well, i do, in other countries.
- i feel like a terrible person sometimes for no reason.
- sometimes i will lay awake at night and wonder what my life would be like if i had made different choices.
- i hate talking on the phone for the first time to people. i know i sound like a child.
- i dislike borrowing books, because when i read a book i usually end up buying it.
- i hate it when people fold pages in books.
- mom borrowed my favorite book once, folded a page in it, i cried, and had to buy a new copy.
- i hate it when people post pictures of themselves kissing.
- when i am in a bad mood, i hate seeing happy people.
- i compare myself to others.
- i have the worst self esteem issues.
- i never leave the house without makeup on, and i only wear my hair up when i am working.
- i feel guilty when i am disappointed with my friends' choices.
- i feel like my mother didn't like me between the ages of 10-14
- i want so badly to live in CALIFORNIA, especially the Bay Area, Berkley.
- i am scared i don't have the talent to be a tattoo artist.
- i am terrified i will loose my talent. i forever have nightmares that my hands will be smashed or i will go blind.
- i consistently wonder if i was thinner, men would like me more.
- i hate that i can be just as shallow as the people i dislike for the same fault.
- i love Indian food, and hate American food.
- i hate cleaning, but cannot live without cleaning.
- i love cooking for people. even if i wont eat what i prepared.
- i get more joy out of giving gifts than receiving them.
- it makes my day when people tell me that they missed me, or that they thought about me.
- i am terrified of getting splints shoved under my nails
- when i am up extremely high, my legs get shaky. but i crave the feeling that fear brings.
- i always wished that i was raised Catholic, because i love the aesthetic.
- i am more proud to be vegan than i was to be vegetarian. i tell everyone.
- i hate it when i see ugly people in a relationship, when i am not.
- i hate it when people tell me that i am beautiful, and will find someone special soon, because i view false hope the same as lieing to my face.
- i consistently wonder if i scare people away by being myself.
- i apply fortunes from the cookies at Chinese places to my life.
- i love Disney world, i love Disney cartoons, i love Disney cartoon movies, but i hate most of the new Disney channel things.
- i love children.
- i love clothes that i cant wear.
- i never leave the house in stretchy pants unless i am going to the gym, because i feel like they highlight my flaws.
- i wish people didn't stereotype me so much.
- i am a hopeless romantic. i have always wanted to be kissed in the rain, walk hand in hand on the beach at sunset, proposed to holding a bouquet of wildflowers...
- i have a fear that i will never find anyone that will truly love me.
- did i say that i was really insecure?
Monday, March 29, 2010
tattoos and memories and dead skin on trial...
for what its worth, it was worth all the while. its something unpredictable, but in the end is right, i hope you had the time of your life.
goodbye, Baltimore, goodbye and good riddance.
goodbye, Baltimore, goodbye and good riddance.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
"midway upon the journey of life, i came across..."
the entrance to hell. (http://cromwell-intl.com/travel/usa/baltimore/) this person's bog sounds almost identical to mine.
my first full day in the beautiful city of Baltimore was greeted warmly by the nice sound of cars roaming outside and the songbirds chirping. i got dressed, hopeful and happy for the day of historical excursion ahead. i donned my plum velvet blazer and left my happy bank/hotel to enjoy a stroll around POE's Baltimore. many streets were crossed, many people passed. streets turned into avenues, that turned into alleyways, that slowly began to look less like a scene from a cake baking show, and more like a hybrid between good times reruns and the breaking news on channel 10. the nice cars and birds i heard this morning were exchanged for sirens and children screaming, as well as blasting rap music and cursing that resembled the halls of menchville...on steroids. i was beginning to wonder where the transporting machine from an alternate universe i had stepped on was, because it seemed like as soon as i left the Westminster church i ended up in the middle of the set of the movie, Boyz in the Hood. as i walked on, hoping that somewhere along the way i would find the safe haven that would be the Poe house, the surroundings were getting worse and worse, and i was thinking that either i was two steps from being shot, or someone was going to try and sell me some hard drugs. i was wondering if the map had lied to me, a dangerous thing when one relies on printed information to get to where they are going on foot and have no familiarity with the area. there was no sign of anything remotely like a museum....so i found it increasingly necessary to phone a police officer, or superman, or JESUS, whomever got there faster.
i don't think i will never forget Officer Nelson. when the police came to pick me up, they were all laughing at what must be the typical lost and weary traveller. apparently, the Poe House that i never saw, i had just walked by. and apparently my story was not falling on unfamiliar ears. the "historical landmark" is in the middle of one of the worst ghettos in Baltimore, and is actually attached to Project housing. it wasn't even open, as a male officer informed me, it was closed for renovations. and i found out on the blog that i posted a link to above, that you can only get in through prior notice and arrangements. and hardly anyone goes because it is in the middle of hell, or Maryland's Bronx, whichever.
Officer Nelson gave us a ride back to the hotel, which was exceedingly nice. and she even drove by the Poe House so we could see it. it was not what we expected. and was surrounded by truly unseemly circumstance. this was not explained on the brochure. NEVER GO THERE, UNLESS YOU ARE SEEKING DEATH OR HEAVY DRUGS.
while i was riding in the back of a police car for the first and only time in my life, i started to realize how far from the hotel i had actually walked. the high rise businesses and old fashioned historical buildings, gave way to thousands of discount liquor stores and Animal Chop Shops specializing spare parts. the smells changed, from commercial smog and food to nasty dirt and decay. the quaint eateries gave way to run down restaurants out of service for years. Officer Nelson had commented as we passed through the projects that the police in this neighborhood have nicknamed the area around Edgar Allan Poe's House "THE PO' HOUSES."
i took a photograph of a bench in that terrifying ghetto i was in, it was well worn with the phrase, "Baltimore the best city in America." it made me realize how deep the rabbit hole i stumbled down really goes. it is amazing when you see with your own eyes the disappointment that emanates from a place like that. it made me glad for the beauty that i find in my own home, it made me realize how sad i truly am for America.
my first full day in the beautiful city of Baltimore was greeted warmly by the nice sound of cars roaming outside and the songbirds chirping. i got dressed, hopeful and happy for the day of historical excursion ahead. i donned my plum velvet blazer and left my happy bank/hotel to enjoy a stroll around POE's Baltimore. many streets were crossed, many people passed. streets turned into avenues, that turned into alleyways, that slowly began to look less like a scene from a cake baking show, and more like a hybrid between good times reruns and the breaking news on channel 10. the nice cars and birds i heard this morning were exchanged for sirens and children screaming, as well as blasting rap music and cursing that resembled the halls of menchville...on steroids. i was beginning to wonder where the transporting machine from an alternate universe i had stepped on was, because it seemed like as soon as i left the Westminster church i ended up in the middle of the set of the movie, Boyz in the Hood. as i walked on, hoping that somewhere along the way i would find the safe haven that would be the Poe house, the surroundings were getting worse and worse, and i was thinking that either i was two steps from being shot, or someone was going to try and sell me some hard drugs. i was wondering if the map had lied to me, a dangerous thing when one relies on printed information to get to where they are going on foot and have no familiarity with the area. there was no sign of anything remotely like a museum....so i found it increasingly necessary to phone a police officer, or superman, or JESUS, whomever got there faster.
i don't think i will never forget Officer Nelson. when the police came to pick me up, they were all laughing at what must be the typical lost and weary traveller. apparently, the Poe House that i never saw, i had just walked by. and apparently my story was not falling on unfamiliar ears. the "historical landmark" is in the middle of one of the worst ghettos in Baltimore, and is actually attached to Project housing. it wasn't even open, as a male officer informed me, it was closed for renovations. and i found out on the blog that i posted a link to above, that you can only get in through prior notice and arrangements. and hardly anyone goes because it is in the middle of hell, or Maryland's Bronx, whichever.
Officer Nelson gave us a ride back to the hotel, which was exceedingly nice. and she even drove by the Poe House so we could see it. it was not what we expected. and was surrounded by truly unseemly circumstance. this was not explained on the brochure. NEVER GO THERE, UNLESS YOU ARE SEEKING DEATH OR HEAVY DRUGS.
while i was riding in the back of a police car for the first and only time in my life, i started to realize how far from the hotel i had actually walked. the high rise businesses and old fashioned historical buildings, gave way to thousands of discount liquor stores and Animal Chop Shops specializing spare parts. the smells changed, from commercial smog and food to nasty dirt and decay. the quaint eateries gave way to run down restaurants out of service for years. Officer Nelson had commented as we passed through the projects that the police in this neighborhood have nicknamed the area around Edgar Allan Poe's House "THE PO' HOUSES."
i took a photograph of a bench in that terrifying ghetto i was in, it was well worn with the phrase, "Baltimore the best city in America." it made me realize how deep the rabbit hole i stumbled down really goes. it is amazing when you see with your own eyes the disappointment that emanates from a place like that. it made me glad for the beauty that i find in my own home, it made me realize how sad i truly am for America.
Friday, March 26, 2010
live! from charm city.
Greetings from Gay Street!
above are pictures of my hotel, an ex bank, circa 1800s. that is a picture of the grand lobby, which is quite beautiful in person. what you cannot see behind that blue board straight ahead is that the office is a converted bank vault, complete with the extreme turning lock and bars....which is pretty much the raddest office door i have ever seen.
TschauWiederseh'n!
above are pictures of my hotel, an ex bank, circa 1800s. that is a picture of the grand lobby, which is quite beautiful in person. what you cannot see behind that blue board straight ahead is that the office is a converted bank vault, complete with the extreme turning lock and bars....which is pretty much the raddest office door i have ever seen.
anywhosen, more tomorrow, i am going to have some amazing adventures in this city! it is so unbelievably beautiful here!
TschauWiederseh'n!
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
the morally ambiguous character.
Things Fall Apart, 2002. Morally ambiguous characters -- characters whose behavior discourages readers from identifying them as purely evil or purely good -- are at the heart of many works of literature. Choose a novel or play in which a morally ambiguous character plays a pivotal role. Then write an essay in which you explain how the character can be viewed as morally ambiguous and why his or her moral ambiguity is significant to the work as a whole. Avoid mere plot summary. (1979 is similar)
Achebe employs the morally ambiguous character Okonkwo in order to allow him to be more accessible to the audience. The reader recognizes that Okonkwo is ethically indefinite in that he can be an outwardly merciless killer while at the same time a loving father figure. When first the reader is introduced to Okonkwo, he is known as the respected warrior, affluent and imperative as a leader and farmer. But he is also a man that is haunted by the memory of his father, and therefore all of his acts are in desperation to elude the failures his father was marred with.
Okonkwo is celebrated in his tribe as being an infamous warrior, a merciless killer. He was known throughout many villages as the strong fighter, the fearless combatant, whom was revered for his strengths. It is difficult for the reader to acknowledge that any man so impassive to the physical pain he had inflicted upon others, could be more than just simply wicked. He shows that he enjoys the sport of killing through his actions, and is not restricted in his disdain for any man he feels is weak. He is a man that loathes limitation, and despises laziness. Perhaps the most agonizing occurrence in the entire novel offers to the reader the best example of the malicious character that resides within Okonkwo. When Ikemefuma runs to Okonkwo for salvation and Okonkwo refuses, the audience is almost all at once painful realization that his fear of what others perceive of him is too strong to overcome, and they experience the heartbreak of knowing the love he felt for Ikemefuma was not enough to dominate his fear. This is significant to the novel’s genuine accessibility, in that Achebe wrote this character to represent a universal irony of the strong man who cannot help but succumb to his weakness.
It is easy to view Okonkwo as the strong warrior, but he also has a loving aspect to his character, which works to portray him as the vague man he is. The reader is quick to acknowledge the violence and fear, but must look deeper to recognize the warm and loving father figure beneath. It is because of his fears that Okonkwo suppresses most of his affections, but there are some instances where the reader can see but a glimpse of his kindness and adoration. The reader notices this in his fondness for Ikemefuma and Ezinma. It is unfortunate that Okonkwo must conceal the love he has for his favorite daughter, even though she is much like him in her ways of placing importance on performance instead of emotion. It is significant to the novel that Okonkwo suppresses his emotions in this way. The concealing of emotions that he feels are feminine, including love, is central in portraying his moral ambiguity.
Achebe uses his mastering of the qualities universal to human men of all cultures to create a character in Okonkwo that is morally indistinct. It is intriguing to the reader to try and place Okonkwo in a type of “evil” or “good,” although it is not at all an easy task. The fact that Okonkwo is so vague in his motivation makes him uniquely obtainable to the audience. His tragic flaw, common in all familiar Greek myths, is his fear of failure and his abhorrence of weakness. He is a man dominated by anger that struggles with his emotions, and works to resist his basic human need for poignant expression. His characteristics are powerfully human, and because they are so believable, he is exceptionally identifiable to the reader. His ambiguity is what makes his character so believably human, and Achebe uses his understanding of human nature to his advantage. Okonkwo cannot be burdened with any kind of label, whether his intentions are good or bad, just as any human cannot be restricted to such dry descriptions. And with this in mind, it is simple for the audience to acknowledge that it is his motivation that remains clear, to be a strong, prosperous man.
Achebe employs the morally ambiguous character Okonkwo in order to allow him to be more accessible to the audience. The reader recognizes that Okonkwo is ethically indefinite in that he can be an outwardly merciless killer while at the same time a loving father figure. When first the reader is introduced to Okonkwo, he is known as the respected warrior, affluent and imperative as a leader and farmer. But he is also a man that is haunted by the memory of his father, and therefore all of his acts are in desperation to elude the failures his father was marred with.
Okonkwo is celebrated in his tribe as being an infamous warrior, a merciless killer. He was known throughout many villages as the strong fighter, the fearless combatant, whom was revered for his strengths. It is difficult for the reader to acknowledge that any man so impassive to the physical pain he had inflicted upon others, could be more than just simply wicked. He shows that he enjoys the sport of killing through his actions, and is not restricted in his disdain for any man he feels is weak. He is a man that loathes limitation, and despises laziness. Perhaps the most agonizing occurrence in the entire novel offers to the reader the best example of the malicious character that resides within Okonkwo. When Ikemefuma runs to Okonkwo for salvation and Okonkwo refuses, the audience is almost all at once painful realization that his fear of what others perceive of him is too strong to overcome, and they experience the heartbreak of knowing the love he felt for Ikemefuma was not enough to dominate his fear. This is significant to the novel’s genuine accessibility, in that Achebe wrote this character to represent a universal irony of the strong man who cannot help but succumb to his weakness.
It is easy to view Okonkwo as the strong warrior, but he also has a loving aspect to his character, which works to portray him as the vague man he is. The reader is quick to acknowledge the violence and fear, but must look deeper to recognize the warm and loving father figure beneath. It is because of his fears that Okonkwo suppresses most of his affections, but there are some instances where the reader can see but a glimpse of his kindness and adoration. The reader notices this in his fondness for Ikemefuma and Ezinma. It is unfortunate that Okonkwo must conceal the love he has for his favorite daughter, even though she is much like him in her ways of placing importance on performance instead of emotion. It is significant to the novel that Okonkwo suppresses his emotions in this way. The concealing of emotions that he feels are feminine, including love, is central in portraying his moral ambiguity.
Achebe uses his mastering of the qualities universal to human men of all cultures to create a character in Okonkwo that is morally indistinct. It is intriguing to the reader to try and place Okonkwo in a type of “evil” or “good,” although it is not at all an easy task. The fact that Okonkwo is so vague in his motivation makes him uniquely obtainable to the audience. His tragic flaw, common in all familiar Greek myths, is his fear of failure and his abhorrence of weakness. He is a man dominated by anger that struggles with his emotions, and works to resist his basic human need for poignant expression. His characteristics are powerfully human, and because they are so believable, he is exceptionally identifiable to the reader. His ambiguity is what makes his character so believably human, and Achebe uses his understanding of human nature to his advantage. Okonkwo cannot be burdened with any kind of label, whether his intentions are good or bad, just as any human cannot be restricted to such dry descriptions. And with this in mind, it is simple for the audience to acknowledge that it is his motivation that remains clear, to be a strong, prosperous man.
Monday, March 15, 2010
if you could only see how welled her eyes can be when she says:
when she says she loves me.
these sweet babies will be coming to my feet in just a few days. i cannot wait to cover my toes in their awesome vegan shoe-ness. not at the same time of course. but all the same. cannot wait! and i will be wearing them as i read the book i ordered, looking psychologically educated, reading Dr. Drew's book i have wanted for months!
hours pass like minutes
this government project is seriously turning into evil incarnate.
just letting you know i was still alive. god, i could shoot myself. it is so tedious.
just letting you know i was still alive. god, i could shoot myself. it is so tedious.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
series of unfortunate events.
Friday was the day i had been looking forward to all week.
it was going to be a half day, the sun wasn't shining, i had English....sounds beautiful, right?
then Friday came and the series of unfortunata that transpired left much to be desired. (daily couplet served fresh daily, with a hefty helping of sarcastic sides.)
first, i had to write an essay that i was not prepared for, seeming as i had missed the previous class, and spent the first 10 minutes of my 45 minute allotment reading and assessing the INTRO SHEET. so, i assure you, i did write an acceptable essay, but it could have been better, and was not up to my high standards. i probably hold my expectations too high for myself, but i shutter upon recollection of the fact that i took all of the possible time and i turned it in with a sigh of displeasure. i sound like a freak, but English is my letter, and i wear the mark proudly.
second, i was one of the only students that followed instruction by not doing the government reading notes at home. how unpleasant it is, however, that i was absent one of the class periods we were working on them. i finished them before the quiz, but needless to say, i failed it. it was only 25 questions long, and i missed 9 of them. fml.
then, i came home, ready to watch will and grace and eat some brunch. that was the only high point of my day, (besides giving Mrs. Traner my Moliere DVD, spending car time with Victorious, and going to sleep that night) but i digress. i was looking forward to taking a cat nap, or a nap with my cat, whichever. as soon as i got my favorite blanket and lay down, the phone rings. it was my aunt, telling me that i had to help her get the boys out of the car. i had to babysit so that she could take my mom to the doctor.
fast forward two hours later, when i am alone with not only the infant and the three year old, tired and coughing, but my own sisters as well. Jared came an hour and a half later, to take the infant. but i was left with the terrorizing three year old from 12:15 to 8 something.
my mom had to be taken to the emergency room, because her doctor thought she had something wrong with her appendix. it was found later that it was just her enlarged colon, but she was kept at the hospital until late that night due to tests and a mild case of dehydration.
all the while, i had planned on working on my gov project from hell, i couldn't. and so now, i have until Monday night to finish it. i loathe government. i am so ready to graduate.
now, i am sick. from exhaustion, from stress, from everything. i cannot go two minutes without coughing up a lung, nor two seconds without blowing my nose. i cannot taste, i cannot smell.
this has got to get better. i hate life at this point. i am so weak.
and i am so tired. so tired. to coin a phrase from a tool song i heard so often in my childhood:
"why can't we sleep forever?"
it was going to be a half day, the sun wasn't shining, i had English....sounds beautiful, right?
then Friday came and the series of unfortunata that transpired left much to be desired. (daily couplet served fresh daily, with a hefty helping of sarcastic sides.)
first, i had to write an essay that i was not prepared for, seeming as i had missed the previous class, and spent the first 10 minutes of my 45 minute allotment reading and assessing the INTRO SHEET. so, i assure you, i did write an acceptable essay, but it could have been better, and was not up to my high standards. i probably hold my expectations too high for myself, but i shutter upon recollection of the fact that i took all of the possible time and i turned it in with a sigh of displeasure. i sound like a freak, but English is my letter, and i wear the mark proudly.
second, i was one of the only students that followed instruction by not doing the government reading notes at home. how unpleasant it is, however, that i was absent one of the class periods we were working on them. i finished them before the quiz, but needless to say, i failed it. it was only 25 questions long, and i missed 9 of them. fml.
then, i came home, ready to watch will and grace and eat some brunch. that was the only high point of my day, (besides giving Mrs. Traner my Moliere DVD, spending car time with Victorious, and going to sleep that night) but i digress. i was looking forward to taking a cat nap, or a nap with my cat, whichever. as soon as i got my favorite blanket and lay down, the phone rings. it was my aunt, telling me that i had to help her get the boys out of the car. i had to babysit so that she could take my mom to the doctor.
fast forward two hours later, when i am alone with not only the infant and the three year old, tired and coughing, but my own sisters as well. Jared came an hour and a half later, to take the infant. but i was left with the terrorizing three year old from 12:15 to 8 something.
my mom had to be taken to the emergency room, because her doctor thought she had something wrong with her appendix. it was found later that it was just her enlarged colon, but she was kept at the hospital until late that night due to tests and a mild case of dehydration.
all the while, i had planned on working on my gov project from hell, i couldn't. and so now, i have until Monday night to finish it. i loathe government. i am so ready to graduate.
now, i am sick. from exhaustion, from stress, from everything. i cannot go two minutes without coughing up a lung, nor two seconds without blowing my nose. i cannot taste, i cannot smell.
this has got to get better. i hate life at this point. i am so weak.
and i am so tired. so tired. to coin a phrase from a tool song i heard so often in my childhood:
"why can't we sleep forever?"
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
self titled
I never wanted this. I never wanted to become so alive that I learned how to feel. I wanted the silence, the loss of voice, but had the want of a soul to fill that empty space that danced on a line of regrets. I had them. I know what it is to feel so bruised, to the point of dejection; to be morally burned so that the skin falls away like dieing leaves. They are flyleafs of nature's bitter love songs and eulogies.
For me...
Be that brilliant falling moon on the water, what with one slight move is lost, be that one last star that is seen at dawn and at noon forgotten. So beautiful. Beauty in an evanescent form so lucid I feel I never knew it at all, but merely dreamed it real and deemed it tangible. I am aware now of the music that plays but no one hears, that faint melody that tickles the background, and leaves me breathless. That heartbeat that is constant and reliable, but the most delicate and fragile reality I have ever known.
Know this, in remembrance of me....
The loss of the veil I had shielding the world from my eyes; it fell so heavily that I nearly died from the shock. Where is beauty now? Does anything exist, now, that is pure and clean anymore? Even the water tastes of taint. I feel the eyes of those lonely and waiting fall on me, fondling the darkness for a message. But what remains of salvation, and where can it be found? If for a moment, just a moment, I can behold an endless sunrise, then let me live for just one day. I'll wait for just that day before I fall. And when I find you, as I am sure I will find you, speak to me of redemption. Will you wait for me, as you had promised long ago, when the world was so much more? When everything meant so much more? Now all is dust as I am dust, and hopefully one day we will find that Star once more. For now, leave us with your regrets. And let the cries fill that empty space, in want of a star, in want of a soul.
....do this in remembrance of me.
For me...
Be that brilliant falling moon on the water, what with one slight move is lost, be that one last star that is seen at dawn and at noon forgotten. So beautiful. Beauty in an evanescent form so lucid I feel I never knew it at all, but merely dreamed it real and deemed it tangible. I am aware now of the music that plays but no one hears, that faint melody that tickles the background, and leaves me breathless. That heartbeat that is constant and reliable, but the most delicate and fragile reality I have ever known.
Know this, in remembrance of me....
The loss of the veil I had shielding the world from my eyes; it fell so heavily that I nearly died from the shock. Where is beauty now? Does anything exist, now, that is pure and clean anymore? Even the water tastes of taint. I feel the eyes of those lonely and waiting fall on me, fondling the darkness for a message. But what remains of salvation, and where can it be found? If for a moment, just a moment, I can behold an endless sunrise, then let me live for just one day. I'll wait for just that day before I fall. And when I find you, as I am sure I will find you, speak to me of redemption. Will you wait for me, as you had promised long ago, when the world was so much more? When everything meant so much more? Now all is dust as I am dust, and hopefully one day we will find that Star once more. For now, leave us with your regrets. And let the cries fill that empty space, in want of a star, in want of a soul.
....do this in remembrance of me.
ode in D major.
i realized, dear bloggers, that i have never shared with you the inspiration for my life. so, everyone has their icons, right? people they look up to, and try to look like? well, i usually tell people i don't have one, or they automatically assume it to be Kat Von D. well, here is where i will dispel the myth, and enclose the truth. my icon has always been, and will always be....
A Miss.Dita Von Teese. i always wanted to look like her, and i loved her because she loves the same things i do: red lipstick, old fashioned pinups, antebellum fashion, 1940s, black lace, lingerie, and beauty...among other things. she is my constant inspiration.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
activation!
so i just sent a ton of email letters to different companies and people regarding animal rights and treatment. in regards to the circus (posted below), Nissan's new Eco friendly car being leather free, Husky sledding dogs being bred and left neglected...there are so many things you can advocate against!
i sent a letter to both of the newspapers in this area, and here is what it said:
To whom it may concern:
It is to my general knowledge that the circus comes almost regularly, if not annually to the Hampton Coliseum. Each year, these events are advertised in newspapers all over the country, as well as online and on television. These circuses are horrible examples of torture to poor defenseless animals, all for some form of cruel entertainment. I am sure you get many of these letters each year, but please, understand that if your paper refused to advocate for the Ringling Bros. and Barnum &Bailey this year, you would be helping those animals who cannot help themselves. There are so many people who read your newspapers religiously, and if you just refrained from giving the circus any free publicity, you would be helping many scared and hurt animals. I ask you to think of your childhood pets, your current pets, your favorite animals. Would you willingly submit them to torture for the entertainment of others? Many people who purchase tickets for these shows are uneducated about the horrors that go on behind the scenes.Elephants are beautiful and intelligent creatures, who have amazing memories and loving nature. No animal deserves to be confined in an unnatural and insensitive manner, and no animal deserves the torture that they are subjected to. These animals are punished for doing nothing wrong, and are manipulated into painful positions that they would never find themselves in naturally just for the benefit of the circus performers, and under the fear of more painful torment. I know that you would never wish for these sensitive and beautiful animals to undergo this pain if you had a choice. But you do have a choice! If you refrain from promoting the circus this year in your newspaper, you have already helped these animals dearly. By educating yourself and others against the mistreatment of animals, you can help protect those who are incapable and who cannot help themselves. I greatly thank you for your time and understanding.
Sincerely,
Meghann Steele
and please understand that there is power in numbers! send your own letter, your own email to these newspapers and establishments! just visit Peta or Peta2 the next time you are on the computer, and you can help better the lives of our beautiful animals. become a fan on facebook, send an email, sign up to get some free stickers, anything you do can help those who are helpless!
i sent a letter to both of the newspapers in this area, and here is what it said:
To whom it may concern:
It is to my general knowledge that the circus comes almost regularly, if not annually to the Hampton Coliseum. Each year, these events are advertised in newspapers all over the country, as well as online and on television. These circuses are horrible examples of torture to poor defenseless animals, all for some form of cruel entertainment. I am sure you get many of these letters each year, but please, understand that if your paper refused to advocate for the Ringling Bros. and Barnum &Bailey this year, you would be helping those animals who cannot help themselves. There are so many people who read your newspapers religiously, and if you just refrained from giving the circus any free publicity, you would be helping many scared and hurt animals. I ask you to think of your childhood pets, your current pets, your favorite animals. Would you willingly submit them to torture for the entertainment of others? Many people who purchase tickets for these shows are uneducated about the horrors that go on behind the scenes.Elephants are beautiful and intelligent creatures, who have amazing memories and loving nature. No animal deserves to be confined in an unnatural and insensitive manner, and no animal deserves the torture that they are subjected to. These animals are punished for doing nothing wrong, and are manipulated into painful positions that they would never find themselves in naturally just for the benefit of the circus performers, and under the fear of more painful torment. I know that you would never wish for these sensitive and beautiful animals to undergo this pain if you had a choice. But you do have a choice! If you refrain from promoting the circus this year in your newspaper, you have already helped these animals dearly. By educating yourself and others against the mistreatment of animals, you can help protect those who are incapable and who cannot help themselves. I greatly thank you for your time and understanding.
Sincerely,
Meghann Steele
and please understand that there is power in numbers! send your own letter, your own email to these newspapers and establishments! just visit Peta or Peta2 the next time you are on the computer, and you can help better the lives of our beautiful animals. become a fan on facebook, send an email, sign up to get some free stickers, anything you do can help those who are helpless!
Thursday, February 11, 2010
when riding in the car with m.steele...
so Victoria rode home from school with me on Wednesday, aka worst day ever... since they dangled the candy of getting out early in front of our adolescent faces and ripped it away with a maniacal laugh punishing our happiness with the awful torment of learning. anywho. so she rode home with me, and i was playing some AFI melodies, but she could not understand the poetic genius without a copy of the lyrics. so here they are in order from first to last of what i played on the way to her house.
"Celluloid Dream"
Oh,
calling tears from deep inside,
oh you're so exquisite, and in the mirror all midnight eyes
oh, if i could remain, but its just a visit.
all midnight eyes read "vacancy"
twisted, twisted
to the lovely dancing lights, i begged "may i cut in?"
but they never stopped playing their song
of a joyous song they sing, i've heard whispers
on a freezing note, i resonate....
just like romantic verses, just like a joyous end,
just like a memory it twists me
just like romantic verses just like a joyous end,
twists...twisting me
you land as lightly as the new snow, cinematic
onto the melting boy, and melt away.
you land as gently you're so cinematic,
bathed in your radiance i melt...
oh
in the glitter in the dark, sunk into velvet
praying this will never end
in the shadow of a star
in static pallor, i realized i never began
just like romantic verses just like a joyous end,
twists... twisting me
you land as lightly as the new snow, cinematic
onto the melting boy, and melt away.
you land as gently you're so cinematic,
bathed in your radiance i melt...
all the colors upon leaving, all will turn to gray
all the colors upon leaving all will turn to gray
all the colors upon leaving all will turn to gray
gray...
twisting me
you land as lightly as the new snow, cinematic
you land as lightly as the new snow, and melt away
you land as gently you're so, cinematic
bathed in your radiance i melt...
"On the Arrow"
he said "who truly belongs here?"
"not i," she said, "i'll lie here with you"
he knows no one shines forever
they change with the weather
he said, "i've now stayed to long here..."
"goodbye, " she said, "i'll wait here for you."
he knows the winds carry sorrow
as they leave she'll follow
they leave tomorrow...
fragments of joy torn apart,
a freshly drained heart that beats
disguise themselves through him
he'll say that its nothing new
and swear this is true
for you, i'll swallow the ocean
i'll swallow the ocean
he said, "who truly belongs here?"
"not i, " she stared, "i'll lie here to you."
i know this sorrow is sacred
and i'll never break you
i'll softly save you...
fragments of joy torn apart
a freshly drained heart,
that beats
disguise themselves through him
he'll say that its nothing new
and swear this is true
for you, i'll swallow the ocean
i'll swallow the ocean...
"This Time Imperfect"
i cannot leave here i cannot stay
forever haunted more than afraid
asphyxiate on words i would say
drawn to a blackened sky as i turn blue...
there are no flowers, no, not this time
there'll be no angels gracing the lines
just these stark words, i find.
i'd show a smile,
but i'm too weak
i'd share with you could i only speak
just how much this hurts me.
i cannot stay here, i cannot leave
just like all i loved, i'm make-believe
imagined heart, i disappear seems
no one will appear here and make me real...
there are no flowers, no, not this time
there'll be no angels gracing the lines
just these stark words, i find
i'd show a smile, but im too weak
i'd share with you could i only speak
just how much this hurts me
i'd tell you how it hurts me
i'd tell you how it hurts me
(cuts through my day, and seeps into my dreams)
i'd tell you that it haunts me
(cuts through my day, and seeps into my dreams)
you don't care that it haunts me....
oh
there are no flowers, no, not this time
there'll be no angels gracing the lines
just these stark words, i find
i'd show a smile but i'm too weak
i'd share with you could i only speak
just how much this hurts me...
just how much this hurts me...
oh
just how much you...
"37mm"
bring your secrets to me
just give me your hands,
and i'll let you feel the wounds
they put in me...
if you believe in me,
how can i be dissolving?
if you'd believe me,
i'd tell you everything
do you fall too? (every time that i...)
yes, i fall. (every time that i...)
do you want to... (try to pacify)
fall into me? (fall into me)(fall into me)
into me.
silence, can you hear me?
press me to your lips
and i'll suck the poison out.
who will heal me? me...
if you keep killing me
how can i be absolving?
your sins into me,
begin the poisoning...
do you fall too? (every time that i...)
yes, i fall. (every time that i...)
do you want to, (try to pacify)
fall into me? (fall into me)(fall into me)
into me
time, time, time
we're not waiting
time, time, time
we're no one.
very distant: (unknown, unknown)
do you fall too? (every time that i...)
yes, i fall. (every time that i...)
do you want to, (try to pacify)
fall into me?
(fall into me)(fall into me)
do you fall too? (every time that i...)
yes, i fall. (every time that i...)
do you want to, (try to pacify)
fall into me? (fall into me)(fall into me)
into me
we are no one.
we are no one.
we are one.
we are no one.
we are,
we are no one.
we are no one.
we are one.
we are no one.
we are,
we are no one.
we are no one.
we are one.
we are no one.
we are,
we are no one.
we are no one.
we are one.
we are.
"Love Like Winter"
warn your warmth to turn away
here its december, everyday
press you lips to the sculptures and surely you'll stay
for of sugar and ice
i am made
i am made
its in the blood, its in the blood
i met my love before i was born
he wanted love, i taste of blood
he bit my lip and drank my war
from years before
from years before
she exhales vanilla lace
i barely dreamt her, yesterday
read the lines in the mirror through the lipstick trace (por siempre)
she said it seems you're somewhere faraway, to his face.
its in the blood, its in the blood
i met my love before i was born
she wanted love, i taste of blood
she bit my lip, and drank my war
from years before, from years before
love like winter, oh... oh...
love like winter,
winter, three four....
its in the blood, its in the blood
i met my love before i was born,
he wanted love, i taste of blood,
he bit my lip, and drank my war,
from years before, from years before
"Endlessly, She Said"
walked into our world and made,
horrible sounds.
i can still hear them today, (strangely they seem)
beautiful now, though they outlast my love.
still, each time i always meant,
every word, every one...
though in time they finally bent
every word, every one, every word
"i will wait for you," she said, endlessly
"i will wait for you."
so spoke misery...
i returned to you but found
our empty home
the radio told me to stay, (as it burned down)
i sang alone.
you will outlast my love.
still each time i always meant
every word, every one
though in time they finally bent
every word, every one, every word
"i will wait for you," she said, endlessly
"i will wait for you."
so spoke misery
oh
i have been waiting for you,
biting as you taught me to
i have come to relieve you
of life and love
i will wait for you
i will wait for you
i will wait for you
i will wait
i will wait
"i will wait for you," she said, endlessly
"i will wait for you."
so spoke misery.
"i will wait for you, wait for you."
endlessly
"i will wait for you..." so spoke, so spoke...
misery.
i will wait straight through.
as i wait for you, dear,
...endlessly.
Victoria, now you have no excuse. learn the words so you can sing along.
"Celluloid Dream"
Oh,
calling tears from deep inside,
oh you're so exquisite, and in the mirror all midnight eyes
oh, if i could remain, but its just a visit.
all midnight eyes read "vacancy"
twisted, twisted
to the lovely dancing lights, i begged "may i cut in?"
but they never stopped playing their song
of a joyous song they sing, i've heard whispers
on a freezing note, i resonate....
just like romantic verses, just like a joyous end,
just like a memory it twists me
just like romantic verses just like a joyous end,
twists...twisting me
you land as lightly as the new snow, cinematic
onto the melting boy, and melt away.
you land as gently you're so cinematic,
bathed in your radiance i melt...
oh
in the glitter in the dark, sunk into velvet
praying this will never end
in the shadow of a star
in static pallor, i realized i never began
just like romantic verses just like a joyous end,
twists... twisting me
you land as lightly as the new snow, cinematic
onto the melting boy, and melt away.
you land as gently you're so cinematic,
bathed in your radiance i melt...
all the colors upon leaving, all will turn to gray
all the colors upon leaving all will turn to gray
all the colors upon leaving all will turn to gray
gray...
twisting me
you land as lightly as the new snow, cinematic
you land as lightly as the new snow, and melt away
you land as gently you're so, cinematic
bathed in your radiance i melt...
"On the Arrow"
he said "who truly belongs here?"
"not i," she said, "i'll lie here with you"
he knows no one shines forever
they change with the weather
he said, "i've now stayed to long here..."
"goodbye, " she said, "i'll wait here for you."
he knows the winds carry sorrow
as they leave she'll follow
they leave tomorrow...
fragments of joy torn apart,
a freshly drained heart that beats
disguise themselves through him
he'll say that its nothing new
and swear this is true
for you, i'll swallow the ocean
i'll swallow the ocean
he said, "who truly belongs here?"
"not i, " she stared, "i'll lie here to you."
i know this sorrow is sacred
and i'll never break you
i'll softly save you...
fragments of joy torn apart
a freshly drained heart,
that beats
disguise themselves through him
he'll say that its nothing new
and swear this is true
for you, i'll swallow the ocean
i'll swallow the ocean...
"This Time Imperfect"
i cannot leave here i cannot stay
forever haunted more than afraid
asphyxiate on words i would say
drawn to a blackened sky as i turn blue...
there are no flowers, no, not this time
there'll be no angels gracing the lines
just these stark words, i find.
i'd show a smile,
but i'm too weak
i'd share with you could i only speak
just how much this hurts me.
i cannot stay here, i cannot leave
just like all i loved, i'm make-believe
imagined heart, i disappear seems
no one will appear here and make me real...
there are no flowers, no, not this time
there'll be no angels gracing the lines
just these stark words, i find
i'd show a smile, but im too weak
i'd share with you could i only speak
just how much this hurts me
i'd tell you how it hurts me
i'd tell you how it hurts me
(cuts through my day, and seeps into my dreams)
i'd tell you that it haunts me
(cuts through my day, and seeps into my dreams)
you don't care that it haunts me....
oh
there are no flowers, no, not this time
there'll be no angels gracing the lines
just these stark words, i find
i'd show a smile but i'm too weak
i'd share with you could i only speak
just how much this hurts me...
just how much this hurts me...
oh
just how much you...
"37mm"
bring your secrets to me
just give me your hands,
and i'll let you feel the wounds
they put in me...
if you believe in me,
how can i be dissolving?
if you'd believe me,
i'd tell you everything
do you fall too? (every time that i...)
yes, i fall. (every time that i...)
do you want to... (try to pacify)
fall into me? (fall into me)(fall into me)
into me.
silence, can you hear me?
press me to your lips
and i'll suck the poison out.
who will heal me? me...
if you keep killing me
how can i be absolving?
your sins into me,
begin the poisoning...
do you fall too? (every time that i...)
yes, i fall. (every time that i...)
do you want to, (try to pacify)
fall into me? (fall into me)(fall into me)
into me
time, time, time
we're not waiting
time, time, time
we're no one.
very distant: (unknown, unknown)
do you fall too? (every time that i...)
yes, i fall. (every time that i...)
do you want to, (try to pacify)
fall into me?
(fall into me)(fall into me)
do you fall too? (every time that i...)
yes, i fall. (every time that i...)
do you want to, (try to pacify)
fall into me? (fall into me)(fall into me)
into me
we are no one.
we are no one.
we are one.
we are no one.
we are,
we are no one.
we are no one.
we are one.
we are no one.
we are,
we are no one.
we are no one.
we are one.
we are no one.
we are,
we are no one.
we are no one.
we are one.
we are.
"Love Like Winter"
warn your warmth to turn away
here its december, everyday
press you lips to the sculptures and surely you'll stay
for of sugar and ice
i am made
i am made
its in the blood, its in the blood
i met my love before i was born
he wanted love, i taste of blood
he bit my lip and drank my war
from years before
from years before
she exhales vanilla lace
i barely dreamt her, yesterday
read the lines in the mirror through the lipstick trace (por siempre)
she said it seems you're somewhere faraway, to his face.
its in the blood, its in the blood
i met my love before i was born
she wanted love, i taste of blood
she bit my lip, and drank my war
from years before, from years before
love like winter, oh... oh...
love like winter,
winter, three four....
its in the blood, its in the blood
i met my love before i was born,
he wanted love, i taste of blood,
he bit my lip, and drank my war,
from years before, from years before
"Endlessly, She Said"
walked into our world and made,
horrible sounds.
i can still hear them today, (strangely they seem)
beautiful now, though they outlast my love.
still, each time i always meant,
every word, every one...
though in time they finally bent
every word, every one, every word
"i will wait for you," she said, endlessly
"i will wait for you."
so spoke misery...
i returned to you but found
our empty home
the radio told me to stay, (as it burned down)
i sang alone.
you will outlast my love.
still each time i always meant
every word, every one
though in time they finally bent
every word, every one, every word
"i will wait for you," she said, endlessly
"i will wait for you."
so spoke misery
oh
i have been waiting for you,
biting as you taught me to
i have come to relieve you
of life and love
i will wait for you
i will wait for you
i will wait for you
i will wait
i will wait
"i will wait for you," she said, endlessly
"i will wait for you."
so spoke misery.
"i will wait for you, wait for you."
endlessly
"i will wait for you..." so spoke, so spoke...
misery.
i will wait straight through.
as i wait for you, dear,
...endlessly.
Victoria, now you have no excuse. learn the words so you can sing along.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
pwahahaha!
so apparently on the new phone commercial starring foxyfox, aka megan fox, they used a hand model when showing the phone. for those not in the know, aside from the occasional acne, megan fox has only one tragic flaw. her toe thumb. she has one freakishly large thumb on her right hand, and on the commercial that aired during the Superbowl, featuring her in a bathtub...she was missing her eye catching thumb that EVERYONE knows about. go google it. everyone and their mother has. you wont even have to type Megan Fox's thumb in all the way before it pops up on its own. go look for yourself. or....you can look right here, because i already did all of the work for you. haha. only in america. priceless.
ahaha!
to bad the cannibal looks like me in a way, but in my sophomore year, my favorite thing to say to people when they would remark on animal free diets was:
"well, you see i love animals. and i hate people. mostly i hate people who hate animals. i consider anyone who eats them someone who hates them. do you want to be subjected to torture? well they dont. i love animals, so i dont want to eat them. i hate people though, so i wouldnt mind eating them. give them a taste of their own medicine, if you will."
anywhosen. needless to say, i didnt make many new friends that year. but i did gain some with that speech. and by the way, i love Nordstrom.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
polar express 2010
sidenote: the Grammy's are almost all black this year. again. surprised? NO.
so i went sledding/tubing today. ahaha, it was certainly an adventure to remember. my Lord. we are going out again tomorrow, so, i am excited to burn my legs off again climbing those mountains. but i digress. Missy and i went down together, and went so fast we swivelled backwards and could not control the innertube, not that we could see anyway, we went airborne, flew over the ditch into a revene! when we landed i had one leg in, one out, Missy was half on me half in the snow, my hair was tangled in a nearby tree's limbs, our sunglasses were crooked, and we couldn't quit laughing. this is all on film by the way.
if that wasn't hilarious enough....my grandfather went down, but on the way he hit a divot in the snow which caused him to loose control of his sled which was gaining speed. at the same time there was a small child, a little girl, happily slowing towards the bottom of the hill. that is until my grandfather decided to run her over! and i don't mean, just ran her over, no. his sled went on top of hers, and left her rolling behind him as his still kept going down the hill! at this point, i was like, "that poor child! that poor child!" and then this woman that i am standing next to turns to me and is like, "that's my child."
anyway, it was an excellent day. i love the snow. i still feel bad for that kid though.
so i went sledding/tubing today. ahaha, it was certainly an adventure to remember. my Lord. we are going out again tomorrow, so, i am excited to burn my legs off again climbing those mountains. but i digress. Missy and i went down together, and went so fast we swivelled backwards and could not control the innertube, not that we could see anyway, we went airborne, flew over the ditch into a revene! when we landed i had one leg in, one out, Missy was half on me half in the snow, my hair was tangled in a nearby tree's limbs, our sunglasses were crooked, and we couldn't quit laughing. this is all on film by the way.
if that wasn't hilarious enough....my grandfather went down, but on the way he hit a divot in the snow which caused him to loose control of his sled which was gaining speed. at the same time there was a small child, a little girl, happily slowing towards the bottom of the hill. that is until my grandfather decided to run her over! and i don't mean, just ran her over, no. his sled went on top of hers, and left her rolling behind him as his still kept going down the hill! at this point, i was like, "that poor child! that poor child!" and then this woman that i am standing next to turns to me and is like, "that's my child."
anyway, it was an excellent day. i love the snow. i still feel bad for that kid though.
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